Posts Tagged ‘humour’

Sixteen Exciting Fiction Titles Containing the Word Girl for 2016

| Writing

 

gone_girl_on_the_train

 

The Girl on the Tram

 

The Girl on the Penny Farthing

 

The Girl on her Period

 

The Girl with the Dragon Dictation Software

 

The Girl With the Military Tattoo

 

The Girl Who Played with Fire Retardant Sofas

 

The Girl Who Kicked the Door (by accident)

 

The Girl Who Swore

 

The Girl on the Pain-killers

 

Gone Grrrl

 

Scone Girl

 

Wrong, Girl

 

The Girl Off Her Tits

 

The Girl Who Was on Deadline

 

The Girl Who Ate all the Chocolate Covered Teacakes

 

The Girl On The Train – You Know, the One Who Had the Batshit Tights On?

 

With apologies to Paula Hawkins, Stieg Larsson, Gillian Flynn et al.

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Wharf Column: Do You Trust Time?

| Journalism

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Did your computer and phone clock change themselves at the end of British Summertime? Coud someone hack the right computer and change all our clocks at once? Would we notice? Read this week’s Wharf column here.

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Wharf Column: Never Miss Out On The Office Gossip Again

| Journalism

"Instead of taking notes, can I just purchase a transcript of today's lesson?"

“Instead of taking notes, can I just purchase a transcript of today’s lesson?”

I was due to attend the Bafta and BFI Screenwriters’ Lecture Series by renowned writer of Brookside, Cracker, and The Lakes, Jimmy McGovern.

I was going to write about class and Canary Wharf, as Jimmy McGovern’s shows often centre on working class characters.

But I never made it. Instead I got stuck in a vintage dress when the zipper broke, and I dislocated my shoulder trying to escape.

I tell you, Houdini would have struggled with getting out of 1980s polyester.

Taken to bed with a hefty dose of painkillers I awoke, realigned and rested, to the emailed transcript of the previous night’s on stage conversation between Miranda Sawyer and Jimmy McGovern.

And it was marvellous. It was all there: every “Pardon?” every “[Laughter]”. And I thought wouldn’t it be marvellous if you could get a transcript of every evening out you missed?

To read the rest of the column please click here.

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Wharf column: Are We Living Too Fast?

| Journalism

You can’t make it through the day without someone commenting on how fast this year’s gone. No one mention the C-word.

Snowflake scattered chocolate has started to appear in the shops. The full onslaught of gift guides and food feasts will soon follow. People are jittery….

To read the rest of the column, please click here.

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Wharf Column: What Your Bedtime Routine Says About You

| Journalism

GL501648Every night before bed I do the same things, in the same order. Remove make up, moisturise face, brush hair, put pyjamas on, brush teeth, apply hand cream and lip balm, and climb into bed. And every night, around about the brushing my hair stage, my husband calls for me to hurry up. This is because, to him, getting ready for bed is a simple one step process – remove day clothes. This is not a gender issue….

 

To read the full column please follow this link: http://www.wharf.co.uk/lifestyle/what-bedtime-routines-say-who-10066760 

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The Wharf: The Sex Toy for Bankers

| Journalism

leloSomeone has designed a sex toy for bankers. Because of course they have. This gave cause for me to email my Wharf editor the legendary question: ‘Can I write about a cock ring?’ The answer was: ‘Yes, as long as you don’t call it a cock ring.’ You can read the full article on the link below:

http://www.wharf.co.uk/2014/12/blondes-eye-view-the-bankers-s.html

And here’s the frankly amazing advert for the product. Just about safe for work, but not safe for your soul:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8qTN6__RAg

 

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Video of Appearance at Kit Lovelace’s Romantic Misadventure

| Events, Videos of Angela, Writing

BwIJGUoCYAA8cmDHere is a very NSFW (or anyone who is easily offened) video of me turning a reading from my memoir Confessions of a Fashionista into a drinking-game-come-pantomime at Kit Lovelace’s Romantic Misadventure. You may need to turn the sound right up as someone (mentioning no names*) put their finger over the mic. And be warned as it was dark and lighting was very blue, and I was wearing cream so I resemble a fat Princess Leia R2 D2 hologram message:

*Thank you to Claire McGowan for technical assistance, advice, and general smarts. You can see Claire’s own hilarious performance at Romantic Misadventure here and find out more about her books, events and general wonderness here.

You can find the charming and super LOLZ Kit Lovelace on twitter here.

 

 

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A Wharf Column About Sending a Retouched Photo of Myself to my School Alumni

| Journalism

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Today I got to do something that’ll tickle me forever. I sent a professionally taken, perfectly lit, expertly dressed, retouched photo of me to my school’s alumni officer.

My teenage self – spotty, terminally pale, enamoured with shapeless black jeans and lavender Adidas sweatshirts – is weeping with joy…

 

To read the rest  of the column please click on the link below (it includes a strange use of M&S fruit slices):

http://www.wharf.co.uk/2013/10/blondes-eye-view-my-adolescent.html

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