In the brazen pursuit of trying to launch my book-writing career, here is my argument for why Confessions of a Fashionista makes the perfect Mothers’ Day gift. Confessions of a Fashionista is a mum-loving book. It features a real life mum (mine), who is always ignored and always proved right. It is even dedicated to my mum, ‘who didn’t want me to write about [her] but let me do it anyway.’ How mumtastic is that? It is also, allegedly, funny. Here are three mum bits in my book for you to enjoy.
Mum picks clothes off the floor and drops them neatly folded onto my legs. They say genius skips a generation, but in this family it’s tidiness. Mum cleans instinctively, obsessively, like a Stepford Wife on speed. She has declared jihad on dust. Our house is free from books, ornaments, excessive soft furnishings and, often, people. She’s a pioneer of OCD. The say minimalism began in 1960s America, but I have a strong suspicion it was born in 1950s north Hertfordshire.
‘That’s a nice top, where’s it from?’ Mum appears with more newspapers.
‘Specialist shop. Only a hundred and fifty pounds in the sale.’
Mum grips the sideboard to steady herself. ‘You spent a hundred and fifty pounds on a cardigan?’
I forgot I’m not talking to fashionistas. ‘It’s cashmere.’
[On discovering my mum trying to throw away the one of a kind Elizabethan costume I bought from the English National Opera].
Mum is shoving the ENO dress into her rubbish bag.
‘Mum! That’s Tosca’s costume.’
‘Well, she can either have it back or we chuck it. It’s covered in white powder.’ She rubs her fingers together and wrinkles her nose.
‘It’s plaster of Paris. It glows under UV light.’ I make a snatch for the bottom of the dress but she’s too quick.
‘Why on earth would you want a dress that glowed in the dark?’
‘I use it for fancy dress.’
‘What’s this?’ She holds up a hot-pink leather skirt. ‘Fancy dress too?’
‘No, that’s Harrods’ own brand.’
Don’t forget to write your own mum loving dedication in the front of the book – your mum will be thrilled. Tell her I said hi. Happy Mother’s Day.