Archive of ‘Journalism’ category

The Wharf: The Sex Toy for Bankers

| Journalism

leloSomeone has designed a sex toy for bankers. Because of course they have. This gave cause for me to email my Wharf editor the legendary question: ‘Can I write about a cock ring?’ The answer was: ‘Yes, as long as you don’t call it a cock ring.’ You can read the full article on the link below:

http://www.wharf.co.uk/2014/12/blondes-eye-view-the-bankers-s.html

And here’s the frankly amazing advert for the product. Just about safe for work, but not safe for your soul:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8qTN6__RAg

 

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Wharf Column: A UKIP anthem to the tune of Aqua’s Barbie Girl

| Journalism, Uncategorized

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Following UKIP’s  “earthquake” of support in the recent European Elections, and their dismissal of “London’s metropolitan elite” who didn’t vote for them, I decided to write the political party a new theme tune to Aqua’s Barbie Girl. Because nothing says metropolitan elite like a nineties pop hit…

Read the theme tune here: http://www.wharf.co.uk/2014/06/blondes-eye-view-come-on-ukip.html

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A Wharf Column About Sending a Retouched Photo of Myself to my School Alumni

| Journalism

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Today I got to do something that’ll tickle me forever. I sent a professionally taken, perfectly lit, expertly dressed, retouched photo of me to my school’s alumni officer.

My teenage self – spotty, terminally pale, enamoured with shapeless black jeans and lavender Adidas sweatshirts – is weeping with joy…

 

To read the rest  of the column please click on the link below (it includes a strange use of M&S fruit slices):

http://www.wharf.co.uk/2013/10/blondes-eye-view-my-adolescent.html

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