A clean and a not so clean column.

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Here is this week’s clean Wharf column: http://www.wharf.co.uk/2012/06/blondes-eye-view-one-canada-sq.html

And here is the unedited version with some slightly rude words in it (warning: stray commas may cause offence):

Men who wear suits and ties should not cross their legs.  Controversial, I know.  Everyone should be free to wrap their legs around whatever they want.  As long as whatever they’re wrapping consents.  Yet, I can’t be open-minded about men in suits crossing their legs in a dainty little knot.  It looks wrong.

Ever seen a suited man on the DLR doing a high-knee leg cross?  It’s distracting.  They look like they’re practising a yoga position.  ‘Strengthen that core.  Contract that pelvic floor.  Don’t wee.’  Do they count to ten and repeat with the other leg?  Are they breathing properly?  Are they meditating?  Is this part of a new iPad app?  Is leg crossing the new planking?  I’m confused.

The Wharf alpha males have conditioned my expectations.  I presume all suited men sit with their legs REALLY FAR APART.  They have to take up half your tube seat.  They need that extra space to let it all hang out.  They demand young women blush in shock and awe.  They like frightening the pigeons.  Showing us just how big a dick they are, I mean they have.

I’ve always assumed it’s a reaction to One Canada Square.  No matter which way I look at it (and I look at it a lot, it’s hard to miss) the building is a teensy bit phallic.  Do our boys, our brash bankers, our lairy lawyers, and our aggressive accountants (okay that last one’s a bit tenuous), feel threatened by the giant shining glass member that represents Canary Wharf?

Surely not.  By that logic all the Wharf women would be getting boob jobs to compete with the curves of Canary Wharf station.  And last time I checked silicone levels in E14 were still more linked to chips than tits.  If the buildings aren’t intimidating the alpha males into their wide-legged penis posturing then what is?  The Wharf alpha females, I guess.



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